To embrace my own mediocrity. To accept my lack of motivation. To be honest of what I am now and what I am likely to become. It is to embrace loneliness. I have to lower my own standards to accept myself. It feels like failure, but I don’t really even remember having a goal. I just gained some kind of big ego, but over what? I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not in school. I need someone to tell me what to do. I want a daddy. I think I fill my void by bouncing myself into new social situations, and use whatever clout I could gather from the previous to impress (or trick) the one at hand. I make them think I’ve done something, that I am someone, based on the social situations I was lucky enough to find myself in from the previous group. What do I want? What do I want from life? I don’t want to die because I’m not killing myself. This question of want is the one I must answer. Proven fact: sitting around feeling sorry for yourself is not going to change anything. You’ve got to feel it. Everything. Every breeze. What is the vibe? Don’t be so afraid of the overstimulation. Take it. Take it in. Remember being overwhelmed? Bring it on. Leave your stillness. It’s ok to make mistakes. This guy tonight was mediocre? I feel bad even saying it but it was the first word that came to mind. I’m not better than him so maybe I shouldn’t use this word.